My kids live for the days they get these stickers. They come home beaming, and we are proud parents.
One of the things that I really like about my kids’ elementary school is their STRIPES philosophy. STRIPES stands for Sincerity, Teamwork, Respect, Inclusion, Perseverance, Empathy, and Service. It’s a framework for how the school expects kids to act and is the foundation for their conduct code. Frankly, despite me having graduated elementary school very recently - I think STRIPES is a pretty good guiding principle for all of us, regardless of our role in the office. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and so over the next few weeks I’m going to do a series on STRIPES and hit how I think each and every one of these applies to our careers in IT.
This week we’ll start with Sincerity - not just because it’s first in the “STRIPES” acronym, but because I think it’s foundational. The school suggests that sincerity is what makes you and I act consistently. For example, you have a vested interest in being polite to your boss and so you may very well act that way around her. But if you’re also kind and polite with the clerk at McDonald’s who you have little to no incentive to be polite to, that’s sincerity; you aren’t faking it up in one scenario or another.
I think that may well be oversimplified, but it’s also intended to be understandable by kids in first grade, so I’ll let it slide. In general, I think professionals can take sincerity to mean that you will be authentic and truthful in what you say. You’ll be fair, you’ll use good judgement, and you’ll do these things intrinsically and not because someone is watching you. In other words, you won’t pretend to be a good employee or a valuable part of the team – you actually will be those things.
If you’re a leader in any capacity on your team, sincerity is essential to being both effective and respected. I have learned this after years of doing it poorly. When I was early in my management career, I knew that encouragement was essential to being effective in the role so I started telling everyone they were doing a great job – even when they were not. The problem here is that almost everyone on the team knows if a certain member’s work product is poor quality. Then, when you start applauding that person’s work inauthentically, everyone starts to think that your encouragement is canned – or that you don’t know the difference between poor and great outcomes. Neither is a great position to be in.
I have since modified my approach to be sincere: I applaud work and outcomes that contribute positively and are valued. I privately let folks on my team know when work they’re doing isn’t what is expected or is not consistent with their usual excellence. In this way, I am not faking any feedback. Now, when I am complimenting someone’s work or expressing gratitude for something they or the team at large has done, they know that I’m being genuine and sincere – and they seem to appreciate it a lot more. While encouragement is one of – if not the – most important tools I have as a leader, fake encouragement doesn’t improve anyone’s morale or inspire them to sincerely do their best.
Is this a kindergarten or a Silicon Valley late-stage startup?
I don’t know…. and neither do you!
I also want to look at this from the flip side. Throughout my career, I’ve been known to deliver my honest feedback and insights in design reviews as a peer and when I meet with my boss as a subordinate. If my manager says something that I disagree with, I let him know that I have a different perspective and that I wouldn’t handle that particular issue the same way – and why. If I didn’t do that and instead decided to play the role of a sycophantic yes-man, our team would have a poorer reputation in the office. Differing perspectives make a project stronger; even if my perspective isn’t adopted it often informs the larger conversations. I ask everyone on my team to speak their mind in both individual and group meetings. Everyone on our team – and very likely yours - is being paid not just for their skills, but for their perspective.
In general, being a sincere teammate is essential for everyone in a professional setting. It’s a core characteristic that almost every other positive trait builds off of. Sincerity at its core isn’t just honesty – it’s honesty with care and concern. For example, you may see someone in the morning and ask them how they’re doing. If you listen to their answer and ask a follow-up question you’re demonstrating that you care about them. If you just nod and keep walking – no one really believes you care. The same is true if you are being asked the question and just nod and say “good” when you’re really stressed about the deadlines you’re working under; you aren’t reflecting who you really are and where you’re really at.
Finally, think about your interactions with customers. (By the way, if you don’t think you have customers at work, I encourage you to look back at previous posts to this blog where I talk about the importance of service on your overall career. Everyone in IT has customers – no exception.) In my view, the worst thing you can do is lie to a customer and make up an answer that you don’t know to be true. The second worst thing you can do is to be cavalier when delivering bad news or not approving a ticket or request for service. If you’re telling someone that you “unfortunately” can’t help them, I hope you really do feel it’s unfortunate. Both of these are areas where sincerity matters.
Ultimately what I’m trying to get across is that sincerity is something that you should embody every day with the people you spend your days with. It’s true for kids in kindergarten, and it’s true for those of us as adults in IT. Be honest, be authentic, and really focus on how you can help those around you. I promise this is a recipe for success. As my wife and I tell our kids, work hard and truly be kind to others. The rest will fall into place.
OK, on to you:
Have you ever known anyone who has pretended to be a “good” employee or teammate?
Have you ever told someone that you felt bad that you couldn’t help when in reality you didn’t feel bad at all? How else could you have handled that?
How can you show those around you that you’re actually interested in their lives? Can you start right away?